


Now I Have Everything

by kirani



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Musical References, Musicals, Mutual Pining, Non-Consensual Kissing, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-18 21:36:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7331494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirani/pseuds/kirani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yep, it's a Merthur musical theater HS AU.<br/>Arthur is defiantly straight but when his best friend Merlin bullies him into trying out for the musical (they're in desperate need of men!) he finds it hard to keep his feelings hidden.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“ _Mer_ lin.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. The blond boy glared at his thin friend.

“Yes?” Merlin looked up from his homework.

“What is this?”

“It’s a flyer,” He smiled with faux innocence.

“I can see that. What is a flyer for _your_ play doing in _my_ chemistry book?”

“Well, we’re holding auditions and— ”

“No.”

“Arthur, please, hear me out!” Merlin dropped his façade of innocence.

“No! I am not trying out for the school play!” Arthur protested, crossing his arms over his chest.

“But we really need men! There’s only so many girls in beards an audience can be expected to believe!”

“Merlin, we have been through this. I don’t act.”

“You do, too, you act like a prat!”

“Is that supposed to win me over?” Arthur raised one eyebrow at his spluttering friend.

“Fine, be that way, don’t support my love of theatre. See if I come to your next footie match.”

“That’s not fair, Merlin,” Arthur protested, uncertain how he became the bad guy in all of this. “I always come see your plays! That’s not the same as being _in_ one!”

Merlin just crossed his arms over his chest and stared resolutely at the ceiling.

Finally, Arthur sighed. He never could resist when Merlin asked him to do something.

“Alright, fine, what do I have to do for this audition?”

Merlin’s eyes lit up. “It’s super easy. You just have to prepare 16 bars of a song.”

“Wait, this is a musical? No way!”

“Pleeeeeease Arthur, I wouldn’t ask if we weren’t desperate!” Merlin clasped his hands together and gave Arthur his best puppy dog eyes.

“Fine, I’ll see what I can come up with,” Arthur gave in.

“I already have your piece picked out,” Merlin grinned.

Arthur just rolled his eyes.

~

The following Monday found Arthur making his way to the school auditorium with Merlin bouncing along beside him. He was clutching sheet music for “Now I Have Everything,” and sweating profusely. Nervously, he settled down in a seat.

“You’ll do great, Arthur,” Merlin grinned, practically pushing him onto the stage when his name was called.

Merlin had coached him, so he knew what to say. That didn’t make it any easier.

“Hi,” his voice cracked. He cleared his throat again and, pretending he was reciting for his father, started over. “Hello. My name is Arthur Pendragon and I am auditioning for the role of Perchik.”

He nodded at the pianist with faux-confidence and she began to play. Arthur took a deep breath and sang.

_I used to tell myself_

_that I had everything_

_but that was only half true_

_I had an aim in life,_

_and that was everything,_

_but now I even have you!_

_I have something that I would die for,_

_someone that I can live for too._

_Yes, now I have everything,_

_not only everything,_

_I have a little bit more._

_Besides having everything,_

_I know what everything's for!_

Merlin applauded furiously in the audience, a giant grin plastered on his face.

“Thank you,” said the old man seated in the third row, the director Merlin had told him. “Next!”

Arthur walked as quickly as he could off stage without actually breaking into a run. Once he cleared the auditorium though, he did, racing into a bathroom and locking himself in a cubicle. He slid down the wall, slumping onto the floor and dropped his head into his hands.

What was he doing? How was he going to deal with being in the school musical with Merlin of all people? He was screwed.

“Arthur?”

Of course Merlin had found him.

“Um, just a minute!” he called.

He heard the sound of Merlin leaving, muttering under his breath something about “straight boys”.

That was the problem wasn’t it? Arthur said he was straight. Merlin thought he was straight. He was the striker on the football team. _Everyone_ thought he was straight by default.

But he wasn’t.

And never had he felt less straight than when he was hiding in the loo from the object of too many wet dreams to count after practically singing him a love song in front of the entire school.

Well, the entire drama department. Which wasn’t much better.

He couldn’t help himself. His eyes always found Merlin in a crowd. They found him in classrooms and at the footie stadium. When Merlin entered a room, Arthur’s eyes were drawn to him. It wouldn’t be so bad except that Merlin was his best friend and had absolutely no interest in Arthur in that way. He was gay, sure, he had come out last year, but he clearly thought Arthur was a stuck-up prat, even if they were best friends. He would never want to date him.

But that’s where Arthur’s teenage brain went, every time.

What would it be like to throw it all away and just kiss him?

What would it be like to hold his hand?

To go out to dinner and just be... together?

It was hopeless. Arthur Pendragon was hopelessly, irrefutably, head-over-heels in love with his best friend.

~

The minute Arthur stepped off the bus the next morning, Merlin rushed forward and grabbed him by his hand, dragging him through the mass of students screaming “It’s up!”

“Merlin! Slow down! What’s up?”

“The cast list!”

Arthur stopped dead in his tracks, pulling Merlin to a halt in front of him.

“Already?”

Merlin had turned around to see what was wrong, but now he just rolled his eyes.

“You nervous suddenly? Thought you didn’t care about the school play,” Merlin teased.

“Uh, no, ‘course not,” Arthur scrambled for an explanation. “I just... haven’t told my dad I auditioned yet.”

Truthfully, he hadn’t intended to until he absolutely had to. But when they approached where the cast list was posted, he found he was too late.

Uther Pendragon stood next to the mob of drama students clamoring for a look at the cast list, the absolute opposite to the writhing mass of excited students. His arms were crossed and his eyebrows furrowed.

“We’ll talk at home,” he said when he saw Arthur, then strode away without even waiting for Arthur’s “Yes, sir.”

This was by far the worst thing about his father being the football coach. It wasn’t the accusations of favoritism, or the strict code he had to hold himself to during practice, it was that the man was _everywhere_.

Merlin looked at his friend nervously, then grabbed his hand again and pulled him into the crowd around the posting.

“Arthur you got it! You got Perchik!”

“Hooray,” Arthur mumbled.

Merlin continued rambling as he read off the cast, commentating with how he thought each actor would play each roll. Arthur wasn’t paying attention. He was trying to figure out how he was going to explain it to his father. Or, more likely, how he was going to explain to the director that he was dropping out.

~

“A _play_ , Arthur?”

“Yes, sir,” Arthur said to his shoes.

“Do not mumble when I address you.”

Arthur looked up with a snap. “Yes, sir.”

“What possessed you to audition for a play?”

“Well, Merlin – ”

“Of course,” his father cut him off. “It always comes back to Merlin. Does the boy not realize you have more important things to worry about that his inane plays?”

Arthur bit back a retort. His father had never much cared for Merlin, but since he had come out, Uther was positively hateful.

“He’s my best friend, father,” Arthur answered, skirting the question. “He asked me to help.”

“Doesn’t he have any other friends he can pull into his pointless extracurriculars? You have plenty on your plate with football season upon us. I know you’ll win a scholarship if you just keep your head down this year.”

“Yes, sir,” Arthur intoned. He had heard this speech all before. It wasn’t as though Arthur needed a scholarship, Uther was swimming in cash, but his father wanted the prestige of Arthur winning one on his record so he could become the football player he dreamed his son could be.

It was all bollocks. Sure, Arthur was good at football, and he probably could work hard and go pro. But it was his father’s dream. Not his.

Arthur zoned out for the rest of Uther’s lecture about perseverance and hard work with an occasional “yes, sir” thrown in when Uther paused. Just one more year and he would be off at uni and could do whatever he wanted. Maybe even _whom_ ever he wanted if he was lucky.

“Tomorrow, I want you to go to this director fellow and tell him you’re not doing it,” Uther concluded.

“Yes, sir.”

~

“That’s bollocks!” Merlin yelled, and Arthur had to pull the phone away from his ear.

“That’s Uther,” Arthur countered.

“I really hate your father sometimes, you know that?”

“The feeling seems to be mutual, given his tirade against the arts in general and you in particular this evening.”

Merlin huffed a sigh and it crackled along the phone line.

“What are you gonna do?”

“Go to Dr. Gaius and resign, I suppose. Don’t really have a choice, do I?”

“It’s not fair,” Merlin pouted. “I was really looking forward to you finally being in a play with me.”

Arthur’s heart leapt, but he pushed aside the explanations his brain supplied. Merlin was his best friend. He just wanted him to be part of this part of his life. That was all.

~

“Dr. Gaius?” Arthur knocked on the office door.

“Come in, come in,” said a friendly voice and Arthur stepped into the room.

“Dr. Gaius, I have to resign from the play,” Arthur said immediately.

“Your father already called me,” the old man raised his eyebrows. “May I ask why?”

“My father feels my time is better spent practicing football since I’ll likely get a scholarship to uni.”

“And how do you feel?”

“Beg pardon?” Arthur stumbled over his words.

“I asked, how do you feel, Arthur. Do you want to be in the play?”

“Yes, sir,” Arthur answered immediately.

“Well then, I’m afraid I can’t accept your resignation.”

“But my father – ”

“I will talk to your father,” he said. “You’d better hurry on to class, you don’t want to be late, do you?”

“No, sir.”

Arthur walked along the hallway in a daze. That probably hadn’t been wise. He had agreed to drop the play. His father was going to be furious.

He entered his maths classroom and slumped into the seat beside Merlin.

“What happened?” Merlin asked.

“Dr. Gaius doesn’t want me to quit the play,” Arthur said, staring unfocused at his desk.

“Nor do I, but Uther – ”

“He said he would talk to him.”

“Poking the bear! Good old Dr. Gaius!”

“Don’t get too excited,” Arthur slumped further. “No one has ever talked him out of something.”

But Merlin continued to grin.


	2. Chapter 2

In history that afternoon, Arthur received a note from Dr. Gaius.

_I expect you at Fiddler on the Roof rehearsal tomorrow afternoon._

Arthur stared at it for a moment, then hastily tucked it into his bag.

After class, Merlin bounced up to him in the hall.

“Have you heard anything?”

“Just this note,” Arthur handed it to him.

Merlin’s lips moved as he read the note several times through and Arthur stared at them, transfixed. He could just kiss him...

No.

“Brilliant! It sounds like it’s all sorted, then! Congrats, Perchik!”

Arthur just shrugged, allowing Merlin to lead the way down the crowded corridor, babbling about the rehearsals.

“Merlin?” Arthur interrupted.

“Yeah?”

“What part did you get? I never asked.”

“Oh, I’m Fyedka, he’s Chava’s husband. Also, the rabbi. It’s a pretty small role so it’s easy to double cast. But I get to wear a fake beard! And Fyedka doesn’t come in until the second act anyways.”

“And Perchik?”

“You are so straight. Don’t you even know the basic plot of the play?”

Arthur shrugged again.

“Perchik is Hodel’s husband. He’s a revolutionary fighter, ends up in jail in Siberia. He’s only in the first act I think. Maybe a bit in the second? Not sure. I forget exactly when Hodel runs away with him...”

“I think I need to do a little homework on this,” Arthur laughed, cutting off Merlin’s chatty explanations.

“Oh! I’ll come over tonight and we can watch the movie!” Merlin volunteered.

“I have practice. And somehow I doubt my father would welcome you into our home with open arms.”

“Well, too bad, because he’s stuck with me. See you after practice!”

Merlin turned down a hallway, leaving Arthur at the door to the boy’s locker room.

“See ya,” he mumbled back. As always, he felt like he should have at least hugged Merlin goodbye. He took a deep breath and pushed open the locker room door.

“Arthur, a word,” Uther commanded when he saw Arthur, beckoning into his office.

“Dr. Gaius stopped by this morning and informed me that he would not be accepting your resignation.”

“Yes, sir,” Arthur intoned, trying not to let his fear show. He had a lot of practice.

“He reminded me that universities like seeing a variety of extracurricular activities, especially in the arts, for their athletic recruits these days, why, I have no idea, but there it is. Therefore, we decided that you will be permitted to continue with this... _play.”_ Uther said the last word as though it tasted bad, practically spitting it at Arthur. “That said, football still comes first. Well, after your academics I suppose, and should I see either suffer, you will be dropping out, I don’t care what that old man has to say.”

“Yes, sir,” Arthur knew he was doing a terrible job of hiding his grin.

“Dismissed,” Uther waved a hand at the office door and Arthur left to change for practice.

~

When Arthur got home that evening, Merlin was sitting on his front stoop.

“So?”

“Just call me Perchik,” Arthur said.

Merlin whooped and leapt up, hugging Arthur tightly.

“This is going to be amazing! You’ll finally get to hang out at rehearsal with everyone and know all the inside jokes and everything!”

“Yeah,” Arthur said, gingerly hugging his friend back. “Can I breathe now?”

“Oh, sorry,” Merlin released him quickly.

He hadn’t been hugging him that hard, but his closeness had prevented Arthur from breathing the same as if Merlin had been sitting on his chest. He smelled like soap and... coconuts? His warmth was still pressed into Arthur’s chest. Even as he followed his friend into the house, he couldn’t quite get his breath back.

Merlin flopped on the sofa in Arthur’s room as though he lived there – he practically did, to be fair – and tossed Arthur the DVD case. Arthur put the disc in and flopped beside Merlin.

The movie opened and Arthur let out a short laugh.

“When was this made?”

“Don’t laugh, it’s classic!” Merlin scolded, shushing him.

“That’s Tevye,” Merlin whispered when a bearded man appeared on screen. “Father of the family. Gwaine got the role.”

“That’ll be hilarious,” Arthur snorted.

 A little later, the rest of the family was introduced and Merlin named each of them and the actor cast to play them.

“Golde is Morgause.”

“She’s gonna murder Gwaine,” Arthur commented.

“Lucky for her that’s kind of her character, so...” he trailed off. “The daughters are Tzeital, Hodel, and Chava, played by Gwen, Sophia, and Elena. The youngest two are played by Freya and Mithian. I forget their names.”

“Do they all have husbands?”

“Not yet, the oldest three get married in the course of the play.”

“And which one am I with?”

“The second, Hodel, Sophia is playing her. She’s sweet on you, I think.”

“No thanks,” Arthur pulled a face. Merlin laughed and Arthur couldn’t help but smile.

“Lance is Motel, he marries Tzeital, who’s Gwen. I marry Chava, played by Elena.”

“How are we supposed to keep all this straight?”

“You get used to it,” Merlin shrugged.

As the movie progressed, Merlin forget the concept of personal space even more than usual. He leaned over and whispered things into Arthur’s ear during emotional scenes. He ruffled Arthur’s hair when he got up to use the loo. He leaned back on the sofa and plopped his feet into Arthur’s lap.

Arthur thought he would explode.

“Hey, that’s my audition song!” Arthur exclaimed. _Now I Have Everything_ was playing out on the screen.

“Yep! I just knew you’d be perfect for Perchik so I gave you that one,” Merlin explained. “You really are clueless about musical theatre, you straight boy. I love you anyway.”

Arthur was glad for the lack of light in the room because he had blushed to the color of a tomato.

“Pizza?” he asked, changing the subject.

“Great, I’m famished,” Merlin agreed without looking over at him.

Arthur got up and called for delivery from the hall and lingered a moment longer to get himself under control. When he entered again, Merlin looked up at him questioningly.

“Long hold,” Arthur brushed it off. “30 minutes.”

He flopped back onto the sofa with feigned nonchalance.

“You okay, Arthur?”

“Yeah, fine,” Arthur lied.

Merlin studied him a moment longer before turning back to the screen and resuming his monologue of actors and roles. When the doorbell rang, Arthur jumped up quickly and was again treated to a strange look from Merlin.

“What? I’m hungry,” he said, striding off to collect the delivery.

When he returned, Merlin pretended not to notice Arthur’s mood, for which Arthur was incredibly grateful but also suspicious. They ate the pizza and watched the end of the film.

When it was over, Arthur ejected the disc, walked Merlin to the front door, and gave him the DVD.

Merlin caught his hand before he could draw it away.

“You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?” Merlin looked so worried, Arthur nearly spilled it all right then.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Arthur side-stepped the question.

“You said. But you’d tell me? If there was?”

“Yeah,” Arthur agreed, trying to smile for Merlin’s sake. “You’re my best mate.”

Merlin grinned and opened the door.

“Text me when you get home!” Arthur called after him.

Merlin just waved a hand in the air in acknowledgement.

Arthur returned to his room and fell face-first onto his bed. He was so screwed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally had this marked as teen but I changed it to mature for reasons that will become obvious very shortly. Proceed accordingly.

Arthur had his hand down his pants pretending he wasn’t thinking of how Merlin smelled when his phone buzzed.

_Home!!!! See you tomorrow!!!! First rehearsal!!!!! Yay!!!!!_

Arthur read the text and quickly shot one back.

_No one should use that many exclamation points in a single text message, Merlin._

He tossed his phone aside. He would be lying if Merlin’s excitable nature didn’t endear him even more to him, but he had to keep up appearances.

Appearances.

Merlin lounging on his sofa, feet propped up in Arthur’s lap. His hair messy and his shirt rumpled. Arthur imagined that his best friend was disheveled for an entirely different reason than laziness.

That Arthur had done that.

That Arthur had run his fingers in his hair, touched his soft skin, breathed him in. That he had kissed his lips until they were red and then kissed every bit of skin he could find.

He came with a muffled grunt that was _definitely_ not Merlin’s name.

~

Merlin was waiting for him outside of his history classroom, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“How did you get here so fast?”

Merlin just grinned. “First rehearsal!”

“Yes, I know,” Arthur said. “What’s so great about the first rehearsal anyways?”

“You know, getting to see everyone and learn about how the play is going to go, it’s all very exciting!”

“Whatever you say.”

“Come on, sour puss, get excited! You’re going to your first ever play rehearsal!”

“And I’m probably going to get laughed out of the room,” Arthur mumbled as they set off towards the auditorium.

“No!” Merlin gasped. “You’re amazing! If you weren’t, Dr. Gaius wouldn’t have cast you in such a demanding role! He believes in you. So do I.”

Merlin bumped his shoulder against Arthur’s companionably and Arthur couldn’t help but smile.

“There we go,” Merlin smiled back.

~

The first rehearsal was fairly uneventful. Dr. Gaius handed out scripts, talked them through the general flow of the play, gave out a schedule of who was called for which rehearsals, and important dates like costume fittings, off-book deadlines, and dress rehearsal.

Then they read through the script until it was time to leave. They would finish the read-through the next rehearsal.

“Merlin?”

“Hmm?” Merlin answered distractedly. He was still reading the script as they walked.

“How am I supposed to memorize all of this?”

“It’s not that bad.”

“It’s a huge part!”

“I’ll help you run lines, don’t worry,” Merlin reassured him, finally looking up from his script. “Besides, it’s not like you’re Tevye or something.”

“Thank God for that,” Arthur laughed.

“I won’t let you fail, Arthur,” Merlin promised, his tone suddenly serious.

“I know,” Arthur smiled, bumping his shoulder into Merlin’s. Merlin grinned back.

They walked along in companionable silence and Arthur decided he liked this new form of contact. Bumping shoulders. Why hadn’t he thought of it before? It allowed Arthur to touch Merlin when he wanted to, but it didn’t cross the friendship line. They were just friends.

Just friends.

Arthur felt his stomach sink again and fought the urge to make an excuse and run away from Merlin.

Instead, he changed the topic.

“Wanna grab dinner?”

“Yeah alright,” Merlin answered. “Chinese?”

“Sure,” Arthur smiled.

~

The next week, they starting blocking the show. It was a painstaking process, everyone scattered about the stage, clutching scripts and scribbling notes while being moved around – sometimes physically – by Dr. Gaius.

It took the entire rehearsal just to do just part of the first act.

Once, as he passed the director, Arthur could have sworn he heard Dr. Gaius mutter, “It’s like herding cats,” under his breath. He covered the resulting laugh with a cough but didn’t think Dr. Gaius was fooled.

In spite of himself, Arthur really started enjoying the rehearsal process. And it had nothing to do with the extra time with Merlin.

Nope, nothing at all.

The two of them had become, if it were possible, even closer. They were damn near finishing each other’s sentences and knew each other’s schedules better than their own. They kept each other on track for rehearsals, football practice, homework, and meals.

It wasn’t as though either boy would ever forget to eat, but they did forget to pack snacks fairly often. Thankfully, the other always had extra.

When neither of them was on stage, they sat backstage, backs against a wall, school books on their laps, their shoulders bumping together as they worked. When one of them was on – they weren’t on stage much together, except for the wedding scene and a couple of smaller parts – the other could always be found in the audience watching the scene.

One Friday afternoon, Dr. Gaius announced that the following Tuesday’s rehearsal would be “couples only.”

The cast erupted in chatter immediately.

“Quiet! Please!”

When the rumble had died down, he continued.

“As you all are aware, there are several couples in this play and they need to be physically comfortable with each other on stage,” he paused while the snickering died out again. “Considering none of you have actually made any physical contact so far in rehearsal, we clearly need to practice. That said, anyone who does not share on-stage contact with a romantic partner is excused from Tuesday’s rehearsal. The following roles are called: Tevye, Golde, Tzeital, Hodel, Chava, Motel, Perchik, and Fyedka.”

Arthur looked over at Merlin and saw his face was ashen. He bumped his shoulder into his friend’s and Merlin jumped, turning quickly to stare at Arthur with fear in his eyes.

Dr. Gaius was still talking about the rehearsal schedule the following week but Arthur wasn’t listening.

“What’s up, Merls?” he whispered.

Merlin shook his head and clenched his jaw shut as though he might vomit if he did not.

After they were released, Arthur grabbed Merlin by the arm and pulled him out of the flow of actors making for the exit.

“What’s wrong?” he asked again, a little more forcefully but still with worry in his tone.

“I have to _kiss_ her,” Merlin whispered, his eyes wide. “I have to kiss _Elena_.”

“So?”

“Arthur, you don’t understand!” Merlin erupted. “I can’t do it!”

“Merls, I know you’re gay and all, but kissing girls isn’t that bad.” Privately, Arthur actually disagreed. He’d kissed a few girls and found it very awkward. “It’s just acting anyways.”

“But, it’d be...”

“Oh,” Arthur suddenly understood why Merlin was panicking. “You’ve never kissed anyone.”

Merlin shook his head furiously.

Arthur’s heart sank. Poor Merlin. Never been kissed.

Not that Arthur considered any of his ill-advised heterosexual fumbling his real first kiss. But it was better than it happening on stage in front of everyone.

“We’ll find you someone to kiss, Merls,” Arthur joked. “And if we can’t, I’ll kiss you.”

Merlin went from white-faced to bright pink in two seconds flat.

Arthur didn’t know what had gotten into him. “I’ll kiss you,” he had said. He had joked about the one thing he wanted more than anything in the world. He felt his own face heating up as Merlin stared open-mouthed at his best friend.

“Arthur...”

“Forget I said anything,” Arthur cut in. “Let’s get going.”

“Arthur,” Merlin began again, but Arthur had picked up his school bag and was heading for the exit.

“You coming?” he called as though he hadn’t just offered to kiss his best friend, a fake smile plastered onto his face.

Merlin sighed and followed him out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank to you everyone reading and reviewing! <3333


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: brief non-consensual kiss in this chapter

The next day was Saturday. The boys were at Merlin’s house studying when Merlin said out of the blue, “Okay.”

“Okay… what?” Arthur asked.

“Okay, I’ll kiss you.”

Arthur froze.

“What?”

“I’ll kiss you,” Merlin was bright red in the face now.

“I was joking, _Mer_ lin,” Arthur said with false bravado. “There’s really no one else you’d rather kiss? No secret crushes?”

Merlin shook his head.

Arthur sighed. “I just… don’t want to make things weird between us, you know?”

That at least was the truth, but Merlin’s face fell and Arthur was struck with the urge to kiss him anyway.

“We’ll figure something out, I promise,” Arthur said after a moment. Merlin looked like he was about to cry, but nodded and returned to his book.

~

Monday morning they had still not come up with anything else – not that Arthur was trying terribly hard to come up with another guy for Merlin to kiss – and Merlin was practically begging Arthur to kiss him.

“Please, Arthur. Just one little tiny kiss?”

“Merlin,” Arthur hissed under his breath, “Not so loud.”

“Oh ho! What’s this?” Gwaine had swaggered up to them. “Merlin looking for a kiss from our footballer?”

“Go away, Gwaine,” Merlin scowled.

Arthur panicked. “Merlin doesn’t want to kiss Elena until he’s kissed a guy,” he explained in a hushed voice, trying to save face.

“Arthur,” Merlin warned.

“Can you blame him?” Gwaine looked Arthur up and down appraisingly. Then he turned to Merlin.

“I’ll kiss you, Fyedka,” he offered with a cheeky grin.

“Gwaine, no,” Merlin said, holding up his hands in front of his chest protectively.

“Come on, just one little kiss,” Gwaine closed his eyes and leaned forward.

Merlin, eyes wide with horror, tried to back away but his back hit the locker bank and Gwaine’s lips hit his. Arthur was furious. He grabbed Gwaine by the back of his shirt and yanked him away from Merlin.

“What the hell, Gwaine?” he shouted. “He said no!”

Merlin’s eyes were watering, his face red, and he fled.

“Don’t _ever_ fucking touch him again,” he warned, “or you’ll answer to me.”

Gwaine looked sufficiently terrified, so he dropped Gwaine’s shirt and took off running after Merlin.

“Merlin?” he called, entering the nearest boy’s bathroom.

A sniff was all the answer he got. He walked up to the cubicle door.

“Merlin?” he asked again, quietly. “Are you alright?”

“No,” came the soft reply.

“Do you want to come out and talk about it?”

“No,” Merlin said again.

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

Arthur sat on the floor, his back against the wall.

“I’m sorry,” Merlin whispered from the cubicle. “I shouldn’t have pushed you to kiss me.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Arthur said. “I should have just kissed you. And I’m sorry for not catching Gwaine before he did.”

“It’s not your fault, Arthur.”

“Sure feels like it,” Arthur replied.

Another moment passed.

“Do you still want me to…?” Arthur began.

“No, it’s fine,” Merlin answered. “My first kiss is already ruined.”

More sniffling was heard from inside the cubicle and Arthur felt his heart breaking all over again.

“Merlin, please let me in.”

Wordlessly, Merlin got to his feet and opened the cubicle door. His eyes were puffy and red. Arthur was immediately on his feet hugging him tight.

“I’m so, so, so sorry, Merlin.”

Merlin’s tears resumed, Arthur could feel his t-shirt getting wet beneath Merlin’s face.

“I’ll never let it happen again, I promise. Gwaine ever gets anywhere near you and I will personally kick his arse.”

“You’re a good friend, Arthur,” Merlin mumbled into his shoulder.

Arthur just hugged him tighter.

~

Rehearsal the next day began with a lecture about consent.

“It has come to my attention that some members of this cast,” Dr. Gaius began, pausing to look pointedly at Gwaine, “do not understand the concept of consent. So we will start there.

“First, no means no. If you stage partner is not comfortable with a certain touch you would like to do on stage, you are not doing it. If you stage partner _was_ okay with a certain touch before but has now changed their mind, you are not doing it. Second, I will be blocking the scenes with what I feel are appropriate touches. If you are every uncomfortable with a touch I block, tell me, and I will change it. Does everyone understand?”

Everyone murmured assent and Dr. Gaius continued.

“Are you all with your stage partners?”

There was a moment of shuffling as the cast rearranged themselves.

“Let’s begin with Gwaine and Morgause,” he nodded to the pair and they extricated themselves from the group to come downstage. Dr. Gaius walked them through some blocking and actions and had them run it a couple of times until they were comfortable.

Each of the daughters followed with their husbands.

Gwen and Lance shared a small, discreet wedding kiss which they rehearsed, then each blushed furiously.

Arthur and Sophia didn’t actually have to kiss on stage, but they practiced their hugs and hand-holding until Arthur no longer looked “constipated,” as Merlin informed him later.

Then it was Merlin and Elena’s turn.

Dr. Gaius had them holding each other and running their lines professing their love for each other, then it came time for the kiss.

Merlin froze.

Elena pulled back, sensing his unease.

“Dr. Gaius?” Merlin asked.

“Are you alright, Merlin?” he answered.

“I can’t do it,” Merlin whispered.

“That’s perfectly fine, Merlin,” Dr. Gaius said softly. “Are you comfortable with forehead kiss after the dialogue?”

Merlin nodded.

“That’s your new blocking then. Proceed.”

Elena stepped warily back into Merlin’s arms and they again ran their dialogue, ending with Merlin kissing her forehead and her nestling into his shoulder.

“Scene!” Dr. Gaius called. “That was lovely, Merlin. Everyone alright with that?”

Merlin nodded and smiled. In the audience, Arthur smiled back.


	5. Chapter 5

Merlin’s mother sent him to a school counselor to make sure he was truly alright and Merlin spent the entire day before the appointment complaining.

“It’s so dumb,” he said. “I don’t need counseling. It was just one kiss. He didn’t mean anything by it. No one was hurt.”

“Merlin,” Arthur interrupted, “you were hurt.”

“No I wasn’t! Embarrassed, sure, but – “

“Merlin,” Arthur said gently. “You know you’re a terrible liar.”

Merlin pouted at him.

“Just go to the session. You may not get anything out of it, but it may help. You never know.”

“Fine,” Merlin conceded. “I’ll go.”

Arthur smiled.

Merlin stopped complaining after that but still moped all day.

~

That evening, Merlin rang Arthur.

“Hey, Merls,” Arthur answered. “How’d it go?”

A long sigh was the only answer he got.

“That bad?”

“It was all about feelings and boundaries and ugh I don’t care about any of that!”

“Merlin,” Arthur tried to cut in, but his friend blew past the obstruction.

“Kept asking what I wanted to happen, like, what I wanted from Gwaine, like an apology or whatever, and why it was so hurtful and diving into _emotions_ and _healing_ and shit.”

“Merlin,” Arthur tried again. “You needed to talk about all of that.”

“Bollocks.”

“Do you feel any better?”

“No,” Merlin said stubbornly.

“Did you actually talk to the counselor or just pout at them the whole time?” Arthur teased.

“I did talk!” Merlin squeaked, his voice breaking. “I just don’t see the point. He kissed me. I was upset. Now I’m not. I don’t get why it’s a big deal.”

“Because it was a big deal to you at the time, and I think it still is. It was your first kiss, Merlin. You wanted it to be...” Arthur trailed off. Merlin had wanted it to be him.

“Special,” Merlin finished.

“Yeah,” Arthur agreed.

“Too late now,” Merlin sighed.

“Hey, did I ever tell you the story of my first kiss?” Arthur abruptly changed the subject, sensing he wasn’t going to get anything more out of Merlin. Hopefully the counselor had.

“Vaguely,” Merlin assented.

“Oh man, it was a disaster. You remember that girl, Alex something, that went to school with us for like two months?”

“You kissed the new girl? Gross, Arthur, you perv.”

“I didn’t kiss her! She kissed me!”

“What?” Merlin shouted.

“Well, it was kinda mutual but not really. She came up to me and was all, ‘Hey, I’m new and don’t know where anything is,’ so I showed her around the grounds, and then when we got to a secluded spot she turned to me, all innocence gone, and told me to kiss her.”

“No way,” Merlin said in an awed tone. “Girls do that?”

“This one did,” Arthur continued. “Anyways, I was young and stupid and horny so I figured why the hell not, and so I leaned in for a little peck or whatever and she basically tried to eat my face. It was gross.”

“Ew, girl spit,”

Arthur laughed. “That would be your takeaway, Merlin. After that, she never even looked at me again. It was the oddest thing.”

“How old were you?”

“Thirteen, I think,” Arthur mused. “Maybe twelve.”

“Stud,” Merlin whistled.

“Oh, shut it,” Arthur teased. “Hey, did you study for the maths exam?”

“There’s a maths exam? Shit! When?”

“Friday.”

“Jesus, Arthur, you nearly gave me a heart attack! I’ll study Thursday night.”

“There’s this thing called a calendar, Merlin, get one.”

Merlin blew a raspberry into the phone.

“Mature,” Arthur smiled.

~

After that, the pair fell back into their rehearsal routine. They ran lines, they checked each other’s schedules, and everything seemed to be going well.

One rehearsal, the two of them got to rehearsal early to find the set’s house for the opening number was complete.

Merlin took off running for the stage, shouting at Arthur to hurry up.

“Merlin, what are you doing?”

Merlin had disappeared behind the little wooden house.

“You’ll see!” he sang.

Then his head popped up over the little roof. He had climbed up the ladder in the back built for the fiddler and was balancing himself precariously on the gable. He steadied himself against the chimney, then rose his arms as though playing a violin.

“Look, Arthur! I’m the fiddler!”

“Merlin, get down, you’re gonna hurt yourself,” Arthur bit his lip, looking up at his friend.

“Oh calm down, Arthur,” Merlin scoffed, continuing to merrily play on his imaginary violin and whistling the tune of the opening number. “You can be Tevye!”

“I don’t want to be Tevye, I want you to get down,” Arthur said calmly, even though his heart was racing. Merlin could trip on a flat sidewalk. He wasn’t safe up there.

“Fine, then you be the fiddler and I’ll be Tevye,” Merlin declared, and moved to step back towards the ladder.

Which was when he tripped, as predicted.

Arthur rushed to the side of the house, but his arms weren’t long enough to reach Merlin to steady him. With an ear-splitting scream, Merlin fell from the roof.

And onto Arthur.

Arthur desperately tried to catch him, bending his legs slightly to take the brunt of Merlin’s weight better and spreading his arms wide as Merlin fell in sickening slow motion to the stage.

Arthur hadn’t lined himself up quite right and he and Merlin ended up falling sideways to the floor in a tangle, Arthur’s arm hitting the edge of the stage just before Merlin’s weight landed on him, his head bouncing harmlessly off Arthur’s chest instead of the wooden floor.

Arthur howled in pain as he heard and felt his arm crack, but clutched Merlin to him, desperate to keep him from falling into the orchestra pit and injuring himself further.

Even after they had stopped falling, bouncing, and sliding on the stage floor – the act of only a second though it felt eternal to Arthur – Merlin was still clutching tightly to Arthur and Arthur to Merlin.

“Are you alright?” Arthur whispered.

“I think so,” Merlin gasped into Arthur’s chest. “Are you?”

“I think my arm’s broken,” Arthur whispered.

“Oh my god, Arthur,” Merlin tried to extricate himself from Arthur’s unbroken arm. Arthur wouldn’t let go. “Arthur, let me up, let me go get help.”

“No,” Arthur breathed. “Just... stay.”

“Oh my god, Arthur,” Merlin squirmed, “you’re bleeding, you have to let me up, you need help!”

Then Arthur passed out.


	6. Chapter 6

Arthur came to a moment later to Merlin yelling for help and shaking him by the shoulders.

“Merls,” Arthur grunted. “Hey, I’m okay.”

“Oh thank god,” Merlin cried. “We’ve got to get you out of here, can you stand?”

“Sure,” Arthur said, trying to sit up and finding his head spinning so quickly he nearly passed out again. Merlin lowered him back to the stage and Arthur closed his eyes.

“No, Arthur you have to stay awake,” Merlin begged.

“Just a little nap,” Arthur said.

“No, Arthur, no napping, you _have_ to stay awake,” Merlin insisted, shaking Arthur by his shoulders again.

“Okay, Merls, I’ll stay awake for you,” Arthur grinned dopily at him.

Merlin tried to smile, but it came across as more of a grimace. Then he began shouting for help again.

A rush of sound hit Arthur as the auditorium door opened and the busy hallway beyond admitted someone.

“Dr. Gaius, come quick, I think Arthur’s concussed!”

Arthur was vaguely aware of Dr. Gaius, paramedics, and the ambulance, but mostly he focused on Merlin’s face. If he just kept looking at Merlin, he would be okay.

“Arthur, stay awake,” Merlin said for the hundredth time, brushing Arthur’s bangs back from his forehead. “They’re going to unload you now, okay?”

“Okay,” Arthur murmured. “Anything for you, Merls.”

Merlin gave him a sad smile then moved out of the way for the paramedics to get him out of the ambulance.

~

Hours later, after stitches, a brain scan, x-rays, getting his arm casted, and more medication than Arthur thought he had ever taken in his life, they were finally left alone.

Merlin had been directed to keep him awake and to press the call button if he needed anything. He sat vigilant at Arthur’s bedside. Arthur still felt groggy but he knew he could just keep looking at Merlin and everything would be alright. It always was.

“Merls?”

“Yeah, Arthur?”

“Thanks.”

“Thanks? For what? Falling on you?”

“No, for taking care of me,” Arthur smiled through the haze of pain medication at his best friend.

Merlin’s eyes filled with tears.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Arthur asked.

“Arthur I am so sorry,” he sobbed. “I shouldn’t have been up there, I should have listened to you, I am so, so, so sorry.”

“Hey, Merls,” Arthur interrupted quietly, “I would do it all again. Any day.”

Merlin just continued to cry.

“Merls?” Arthur asked.

“I thought...” Merlin began through a sob, then shook his head.

Arthur felt tears rise to his own eyes as his drug-addled brain finally caught up to Merlin. He reached out with his uninjured arm and Merlin took his hand in both of his own.

Arthur tried to smile but knew the effort was shaky at best. “Can’t get rid of me that easily, Merlin.”

Merlin huffed a laugh and squeezed Arthur’s hand.

A flurry of activity in the hall was quickly followed by the entrance of one Uther Pendragon.

Merlin dropped Arthur’s hand and hurriedly tried to wipe his eyes and nose.

“Arthur, what happened?”

“I fell,” Arthur said lamely.

Uther looked at him curiously then shifted his eyes to Merlin. “Do you know what happened?” he asked in an accusing tone.

“It was kind of a blur,” Merlin mumbled. “He definitely fell. He hit his head on the stage. And his arm. Then Dr. Gaius called an ambulance. And here we are.”

“Five stitches, father,” Arthur said proudly, pointing at his head, his mind still hazy from the drugs.

Uther took a deep breath, turned on his heel, and stormed out of the room.

“Your dad scares me,” Merlin whispered.

Arthur giggled.

~

Arthur had to spend the night in the hospital, so Merlin spent the night in the chair in the corner of Arthur’s room. Arthur had been cleared to sleep for the night around midnight but when Arthur had suggested Merlin go home and get some rest, he refused. So he took the chair.

Arthur woke the next morning to a nurse ready to take his vitals. He panicked for a moment when he didn’t see Merlin before she moved aside and revealed a sleeping Merlin curled up in the armchair.

“He’s been there all night,” she said.

Arthur blushed and the nurse smiled at him indulgently.

“Ah, to be young and in love,” she sighed, looking back at the sleeping boy.

“I’m not – we’re not – it’s – “ Arthur stammered, desperate for some explanation.

“Honey, you’re on a heart monitor. The heart doesn’t lie,” she tapped the beeping machine by Arthur’s bed. “Anytime he speaks or touches you, your heart starts racing, even in your sleep. And I’d be willing to bet his does the same thing.”

Arthur blushed darker and shook his head. “He doesn’t feel that way about me.”

“Oh, honey,” she shook her head. “I think he does.”

Arthur stared at Merlin’s sleeping form while the nurse bustled around taking care of all his morning checks.

It was impossible.

Wasn’t it?

Yes. There was no way Merlin was hiding his feelings about Arthur. He was a terrible liar for one thing, and for another he obviously thought Arthur was a Grade A prat.

Impossible.

“Looks like you’ll be all set to be discharged soon!” The nurse interrupted his musings and Arthur dragged his eyes away from Merlin to look at her. “Shall I call your father to come pick you up?”

“My mum is going to come get us,” said a small voice from the corner.

“Good morning, sweetie,” the nurse turned smiled at him. “Does she have permission from Mr. Pendragon?”

“Yeah,” Merlin confirmed, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. “Uther had to go to work so he left orders with the front desk to release Arthur to her.”

“Well that’s all sorted then,” she smiled cheerily. “The doctor will come in soon and confirm, but you’ll be out of here soon, I’m sure.”

Arthur smiled weakly at her as Merlin yawned in his chair. She winked at Arthur as she briskly made her way from the room.

~

A few days later, Arthur was back in school and rehearsal, though under strict instructions to take it easy and sit down if he ever felt dizzy.

When he walked into the rehearsal space, Merlin at his side, the cast cheered.

Sophia detached herself from the crowd and sidled up to Arthur.

“Can I sign it?” she held up a purple sharpie.

Arthur shrugged.

Merlin glowered.

Sophia giggled.

She uncapped the sharpie and signed in large, bubbly letters, drawing a heart over the “i” in her name. Then she gently pressed her lips to the cast and a tiny kiss.

“Feel better soon,” she smiled coyly, then flounced off as Dr. Gaius called rehearsal to order.

Arthur stared after her in confusion, then looked to Merlin for help.

“Beats me,” Merlin said with a shrug. “I’ve never understood girls.”

“Does anyone?” Arthur asked, watching her giggle with a few other girls in the corner of the theatre.

Before they joined the crowd assembling for a run-through, Merlin touched Arthur’s arm lightly.

“I really am sorry,” he said quietly.

“Merlin, you don’t have to apologize.”

“I’m still sorry.”

Arthur smiled sadly at his friend. “Come on, let’s go line up.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short update today

Anytime the boys weren’t on stage, they again sat and did homework backstage, side by side, but the silence wasn’t comfortable like before.

Arthur tried bumping his uninjured arm’s shoulder into Merlin, but when he didn’t get a bump back, he looked to his friend curiously.

“I’m sorry,” Merlin said again.

“You can stop apologizing now, really. I promise.” Arthur sighed.

Merlin just stared at his with his big, sad eyes.

Arthur tried to go back to studying. But if Arthur looked over at Merlin, Merlin apologized.

If Arthur caught Merlin looking at him, Merlin apologized.

If the silence stretched too long, Merlin apologized.

“Would you stop apologizing?” Arthur shouted finally.

“Sorry,” Merlin mumbled.

“I get it, you’re sorry, but enough is enough!” Arthur continued yelling. “Just. Stop!”

Merlin, staring at his trainers, grabbed his book bag and ran out of the dressing room.

Arthur let him go.

“Shit.”

~

The daughters were in significantly more of the play than their husbands, but every time Sophia was off stage at the same time as Arthur, she seemed to find him. He spent his time trying to figure out how to a) lose Sophia and b) apologize to Merlin.

Neither pursuit was going well.

“You’re such a good actor, Arthur,” Sophia said dreamily, sitting down beside him where he was studying alone.

“Uh, you too,” Arthur agreed hastily without looking up.

She giggled. What was it with girls and giggling?

“Do you like me, Arthur?”

“Sure, you’re alright,” Arthur shrugged. “You’re a good actor.”

“Nothing else?” she pouted.

Arthur shrugged again.

Sophia changed tacts.

“You don’t need him,” she stated matter-of-factly. “You’re way too hot to be hanging around with gawky theatre nerds, anyways.”

Shocked from the abrupt change of subject, Arthur looked up from his book.

“What?”

“Merlin,” she clarified with a shrug. “I know you two had a fight and I just want you to know I support you.”

“We did not have a fight!”

“That’s what everyone says,” she looked up at him through her eyelashes. Did boys actually like this coquettish flirting? “Besides,” Sophia continued. “He did break your arm.”

Arthur stood in a flurry of paper.

“Merlin did not break my arm! He fell and I caught him! If I hadn’t he would have broken his head, like as not, so I’d appreciate if you _stay out of it!”_

He snatched up his bag and left Sophia sitting wide-eyed behind him.

Storming down the hallway, he ran physically into Merlin.

“Hey, are you okay?” Merlin asked when they had disentangled from their mid-hallway collision, taking in Arthur’s red face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, _Mer_ lin,” Arthur snapped.

“Woah,” Merlin held up his hands in surrender. “Did something happen?”

“No, nothing happened, nothing is wrong, stop ASKING ME!” he was shouting again.

Merlin glared at him, all compassion gone from his features.

“Fine, don’t tell me. Let me know when you’ve got your head out of your arse!”

Arthur watched Merlin storm down the hallway and cursed himself again. Why did he have to be so stupid? Why couldn’t he just tell Merlin what he needed to?

~

Arthur stared at his phone that night, his finger hovering over the call button.

He should call him.

He should apologize.

He should tell him everything.

Well, maybe just some things.

Why was this so hard? He and Merlin had been best mates since they were small. They had always told each other everything.

He would do it.

He pressed call.

Merlin’s mum answered.

“Oh, hullo Arthur. Merlin... doesn’t want to talk right now, I’m sorry, love.”

“Oh,” Arthur said dumbly. “Can you tell him I’m sorry?”

“I will, love,” Hunith said sadly. After a pause and the sound of a door closing, she continued. “Arthur, what happened?”

“Well, I rather shouted at him.”

“Why?”

“He kept apologizing and I just... I don’t know. I lost it.”

“He’s upset that he hurt you,” Hunith said softly.

“I would do it all over again, every day, if it kept him safe,” Arthur vowed.

“You’re a good friend, Arthur,” she smiled. “I’m glad Merlin has you in his life.”

“He doesn’t seem to want me there anymore.”

“He’ll come around. A mother always knows.”

“I hope so.”


	8. Chapter 8

Tech week was hell on earth.

At least that’s what it seemed to Arthur.

He went through the motions, learning to move around the set with lights and instruments.

In his downtime, he sought out Merlin, who wouldn’t talk to him, and tried to get rid of Sophia, who _still_ wouldn’t take a hint.

Football practice was a welcome relief from the horrible loneliness of rehearsal.

Until Uther yelled at him to stop moping and get a move on and his teammates began to tease him, ‘Had some theatre girl gone and broken his heart?’ they asked. Arthur brushed them off but couldn’t seem to make his face contort into happiness.

He had texted Merlin after his chat with Hunith, and every day since, but Merlin refused to answer. He wouldn’t look Arthur in the eye at rehearsal or in classes. Arthur was pretty sure he had even changed his hallway routines to avoid Arthur.

Arthur was utterly miserable and he was supposed to be falling in love on stage! So of course it showed.

Dr. Gaius pulled him aside after Friday’s dress rehearsal.

“Arthur, what’s going on?”

“Nothing, Dr. Gaius, I’m sorry, I’ll pull it together,” Arthur apologized immediately.

“Arthur my boy, I don’t care about your acting,” he cut in, and Arthur’s head snapped up. “You are my student and I am worried about you. Has something happened at home?”

Arthur shook his head, but tears were escaping from his eyes unbidden.

“What’s wrong, my boy?” Dr. Gaius asked gently, leading Arthur further away from the other students preparing to leave.

“Merlin,” Arthur said with a sniff. It was the only word he could get out.

Dr. Gaius glanced over his shoulder, the quickly back to Arthur. “What about him?”

“He won’t talk to me,” Arthur finally said. “We’re supposed to be best mates, but I yelled at him and now he won’t talk to me. Won’t accept my apology. Won’t even look at me.” He looked down at his shoes. “It’s killing me,” he finished in a whisper.

“Do you want me to talk to him?”

Arthur shook his head.

“You’ll let me know if you change your mind?”

Arthur nodded.

~

Arthur was nervous.

Actually, he was beyond nervous. He was anxious, fidgety, and jumpy. The show was in an hour and Merlin still wouldn’t talk to him. None of his attempts to contact Merlin or get him to talk to him that day – he had even tried calling Hunith again – had worked. Now it was nearly show time and he was out of ideas. He had to get through to him!

He was pacing the backstage hallway when he heard a quiet sob.

He peered around the door into the dressing room to find Merlin curled up in a chair, staring at a wall and clearly crying.

“Merlin?”

The sniffling stopped immediately.

“Go away, Arthur!”

“Merlin, what’s wrong?”

“Why do you care?”

“I’m your best mate,” Arthur answered softly, stepping into the room.

“Yeah, sure, whatever. You just mope and lie and I’m sick of it! Maybe I don’t want to be your best mate anymore. You won’t tell me what’s going on with you, why should I tell you what’s wrong?” Merlin glared at the wall.

Arthur stared at his best mate’s back for a long moment, then made the decision to get it all out once and for all.

“You want to know what’s wrong?” he asked. “You keep apologizing for me getting hurt but what if I hadn’t been there?!” Arthur felt his voice rising and took a deep breath to steady himself.

Merlin uncurled in his chair and turned to look at Arthur, eyes wide.

“You could have _died_ , Merlin,” Arthur continued more calmly. “Every time you apologize, that’s what I think about. About what would have happened if I hadn’t been there.”

Another moment of silence stretched between them.

“I’m sorry,” Merlin said.

“STOP APOLOGIZING!” Arthur yelled, his anger back in full force.

“Why do you even care?” Merlin yelled back.

“Because I love you, that’s why!” Arthur yelled back at him.

Silence.

Arthur felt his heart breaking as the silence confirmed all his fears.

“You love me?” Merlin asked in a small voice.

“Yes,” Arthur admitted, his heart somehow simultaneously in his throat and on the floor. “I know you don’t feel the same way, but dammit Merlin, I love you, and I just... I just want to be part of your life again.”

“You know I don’t… hang on… back up…”

“What?” Arthur searched his best friend’s face as Merlin sought the right words.

“How long?” Merlin said finally.

“Years. Forever. Does it matter?”

“Yes,” Merlin said.

“Why?”

“Because I love you, too, you clotpole,” Merlin smiled.

“You…” Arthur knew his mouth was hanging open but he didn’t care.

“Me,” Merlin was still smiling.

“Oh just kiss him already!” Both boys turned to the new voice. Lance was standing in the dressing room door, his costume half on.

“How long have you been there?” Arthur demanded.

“Long enough. Kiss. Him.”

Arthur looked between Lance and Merlin, then closed the space between them, stopping just short of Merlin, who had risen from his chair.

“Really?” Merlin asked.

“Really.” Arthur replied, unable to believe it himself.

Merlin smiled. His face was tear-stained, his eyes were puffy, but his smile was the most beautiful thing Arthur had ever seen. He lifted his uninjured hand to cup Merlin’s cheek, and Merlin lifted his own hand and laid it over Arthur’s.

Simultaneously, they leaned towards each other and their lips met.

It was as though fireworks had gone off inside Arthur’s brain. This was what a kiss should be like! Merlin’s lips were salty from his tears, but softer than Arthur had ever hoped. They were warm and supple beneath Arthur’s and he felt Merlin melt into him. He looped his other arm around Merlin’s waist, holding him as tightly as the cast would permit. Merlin matched him, seizing a handful of Arthur’s shirt.

Merlin’s lips opened against his, and his tongue tentatively explored Arthur’s mouth. Arthur let out a little moan, against his better judgement, and responded with enthusiasm.

When they finally broke apart, both boys were breathless. They clung to each other in the middle of the dressing room.

Arthur remembered Lance and looked towards the door, but he had taken his leave and closed the door behind him. They were perfectly alone.

“I thought it was over,” Merlin said, pulling Arthur’s gaze back to him.

“You thought what was over?” Arthur asked, wiping Merlin’s tears with his sleeve.

“Our friendship. Us.” Merlin said. “I thought I had lost you forever.”

“You’ll never lose me,” Arthur promised, folding Merlin into a tight hug.

“Can I have another kiss to go with that promise?”

Arthur happily obliged, leaning in for a sweet kiss, but Merlin was having none of it. He seized Arthur by the back of his neck and kissed him hard. Arthur felt a whimper escape him, and Merlin pulled him closer, deepening the kiss and wrapping himself around Arthur so thoroughly Arthur felt they would never be separate bodies again.

Merlin seemed ready to jump him right there in the dressing room, and Arthur, trying to remain somewhat sensible, pulled away.

“Show,” he panted.

“Shit,” Merlin said. His eyes were bright now, his face still pink but now for an entirely different reason. His hair was ruffled and his shirt rode up where Arthur had held on to him. He looked like Arthur had dreamed he would, only somehow infinitely sexier, and the tiny amount of self-control he had showed flew out the window. He leaned in again and resumed the kiss, wrapping himself around Merlin in return, desperate to be as close to him as physically possible.

There was a knock on the door. “15 minutes to places!”

The boys broke apart and shouted in unison, “Thank you 15!”, then dissolved into giggles.

“I’ve waited this long, I suppose I can wait just a few more hours,” Merlin grinned.

“I guess,” Arthur grinned back.

“We should probably let everyone back into the dressing room,” Merlin blushed, looking towards the closed door.

Arthur reached out a hand and tried to flatten Merlin’s hair.

“I made a bit of a mess of this,” he bit his lip.

“You should see yourself!” Merlin laughed. “Don’t worry, I have hair gel. Sit.”

Merlin pushed Arthur down into a chair and began rummaging through his backpack.

Another knock at the door was quickly followed by Gwaine, who walked in to find Merlin humming and fixing Arthur’s hair, his own appearance still decidedly ruffled.

Gwaine stopped in his tracks, turned, and found a grinning Lance leaning against the doorframe.

“You owe me ten quid,” Lance informed him.

“Dammit,” Gwaine swore.

~

Arthur _felt_ like Perchik for the first time on stage that night. In his mind, he wasn’t singing to Hodel, second daughter of a poor Jewish man, he was singing to Merlin, beautiful Merlin, who was finally his.

_I have something that I would die for,_

_someone that I can live for too._

_Yes, now I have everything,_

_not only everything,_

_I have a little bit more._

_Besides having everything,_

_I know what everything's for!_

As the song finished, Arthur could see Merlin clapping furiously from the wing and grinned even wider.

~

After the show was over, Merlin and Arthur sat on the edge of the stage, enjoying a moment alone before they had to rejoin the hustle of actors gathering their things and joining their families.

Arthur had his arm around Merlin and his other hand was clasped with his in their laps when Uther opened the auditorium door. He looked around, spotting Arthur and Merlin alone on the stage, started, then began to stride furiously towards them.

Arthur began to shake. Merlin squeezed his hand.

When Uther was nearly to them, the look of rage on his face that Arthur associated with being grounded for a month, a voice rang out from behind them.

“Not a damn word, Uther Pendragon, or I shall personally have you fired.”

Uther blanched at Dr. Gaius’ pronouncement, then turned on his heel and left.

Arthur and Merlin looked back at Dr. Gaius in awe, who shrugged and left the stage, suggesting they get their things ready to go.

Arthur and Merlin sat a moment longer, staring at each other in shock, before realizing he was right and helping each other up.

“I love you,” Merlin said with a grin. “God, it feels good to say that out loud!”

“I love you, too,” Arthur returned his grin, then took Merlin’s hand and the two walked offstage together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed, please continue to do so! <3

**Author's Note:**

> I’m on the tumblr at merlinisnotover.


End file.
